'Let's go out to eat, you decide, I don't care'

“Everything happens for a reason”

Oh noes, I broke a nail!

Me: "Hey grab the blue thing and put it away."

Her: gestures at red thing "This?"

Me (irritatedly): "no the only blue thing in your general vicinity."

Her: resentingly/angrily grabs it and puts it next to other blue thing.

I swear to God women are fucking retarded.

"You don't love me..."

Her: Do you know how hard I work around this house? Me: we have a cleaning service Her: STFU

"Why are you sitting down?"

"I think we should," before explaining what task she expects you to do on your day off that you don't care at all about.

"I'm on my way."

Doesn't leave for another 25 minutes.

I'll be ready in 5 minutes.

They can get mad at every food suggestion for dinner, but are incapable of telling you what they do want.

I'm fine. (They NEVER are)

All of the shit they say when they are losing an argument.

When they ask to to do something for them, they throw in a bunch of useless details about why they are asking for it, and you sit there wondering why the fuck they're saying all of this useless info, and hidden amongst that, is some point they actually wanted to say but you miss it because you are too busy wondering what is the fucking point of all of these useless words.

They say no when they really mean yes, then get mad at us for believing them when they said no.

I'm not trying to date anyone right now.