I am that way too... but at the same time there was a "point" to it, like "Hey I can write something cool, and maybe people will like it."... but they won't like me or my voice. Maybe I can get a band and I can write, others will sing and do drums, and I'll get something out of my creativity. Then I learned about the music industry a TEENSY bit. My mom and step-father were great, and encouraging enough, but even they knew like the biggest country stars NEVER wrote their own, it was always someone in the background with massive music education, and background. When Pearl Jam hit the scene they wouldn't believe the band themselves really wrote the songs. That was an awakening point for me, and a realization without those supporting characters I might never let people hear my music. FF to the late 90's and all the pop, rock, and country, and it was mostly the same in pop and country, but rock changed. I tried to keep true to my own, even though health and other issues kept me fomr really going "out there". In my parents basement I formulated my own music wishing one day it could be used, and popular. Then the mid-90's happened. Band after band with their own music, DMB was a crushing blow. Supremely talented musicians writing complex songs, insanely popular, and I tried to keep up. I read what I could find, and learned a bunch about the touring, the building a fan base, and then a record. By then I was never technically proficient, just mediocre at best. I had more health issues in 1997, and with the medications, lack of motivation, and everything else I relegated myself to a "home musician" that was kind of becoming a thing back then. Every now and then a song would hit, some obscure artist, and then fade away again. Once my mom died I had some serious depression, and had some life changes. Even on the meds, and having function issues I tried a bit, but by 2003 or so my mind was at "what is the point? Why keep trying? Nothing is ever going to come of you writing music" I met a great friend, and we shared guitar playing. We both have tried writing together multiple times since like about 2008, but the motivation is ONLY there when we are together. What is the reason I should play or even write a riff? My ONLY motivation to even play is the FNGT. I used to think I could write something as beautiful as "the Rain Song", but I've set that standard much lower now. What kills me is hearing all those great songs, and knowing I could have maybe in the slightest part contributed to it even if I'm not a virtuoso. Sorry for the rant, I just barely remember the motivation to try and play. Then I listen to all the shit I have, and mostly have NO CLUE what I was playing at the time. All sorts of tunings, I had custom wiring on my main strat that I smashed in a fight with a girlfriend, all stupid shit. Fucks sake I'm pathetic, sorry. I'm 47, and I thought playing guitar in the 80's and 90's would make me a millionaire, and maybe get laid a few times despite my fugly body and health issues. I never did the Steve Vai workout because I thought Mike McCready's "feeling" was better, and should have practiced more. I'm a guitar Cuck, sorry.