Cocomelon. You can't cry if you have your soul sucked out of you.

If you give the baby everything he or she needs, they almost don't cry. Routine is important. It is good for them to cry to clear out their lungs, and it helps them grow.

Think native Americans have a secret trick or something

Every time they cry they get tazered, they'll get with program real quick, try and see

This is satire, don't taze babies Damn (((Legal Department)))

Same way you keep the wind from blowing

Make them. They will get tired of it.

Gaffa tape is the best pacifier.

my kid doesnt cry much. He will have a rare tantrum but that's just part of growing up and learning to moderate your emotions. If you dont want a baby to cry, coddle them and treat them like the blessing they are, and slowly stop coddling them as they get older. If you hurt them, apologize, if they do something you appreciate like potty by themselves or they draw you a picture, let them know how cool it is and how much you appreciate it. If they want to help you and you cant accept their help, let them watch. Tell them "learning is very helpful! Thank you so much for learning. Please learn with your eyeballs only, not your hands. This is too dangerous for toddlers". If you want to leave them in daycare at church and they wont stop crying for you when you leave, do not reinforce this behavior by validating this behavior. In my honest opinion, if your kid is screaming and crying when you leave them in daycare, then you and the kid need to work on self growth and you should not leave them there to cry it out, it may cause abandonment issues. At the very least, other kids will see the show and it will stress them out and if they struggle with this themselves, they might start crying too and the issue spreads like a contagion. I don't leave my kid at any point when I go to church because the main reason i'm going is for toddler and I'm very untrusting of people.

If you vaccinated your child very young or within the first couple days, your chances of your baby crying uncontrollably for no apparent reason goes up and you will probably be stuck with a colicky baby. Babies that cry alot are pretty common in first world countries due to overworked parents, woman not spending enough time with their babies, formula instead of breastfeeding, and vaccinations. Babysitters who are unvetted can easily ruin the fragile mind of a child.

It's the only way they can communicate with you until they develop words. Be kind and gentle. Heed your child's needs. Your baby is a literal sponge, absorbing and watching, hearing everything you say and do as the parent, as the big human.

Sometimes all you can do is hold baby and rock her/him or take them for a car ride, or just pat their back or tummy. Talk gently, let your baby hear your loving voice. Start reading as early as possible to baby. Even if it's popular mechanics, read it in a sweet lyrical voice that charms and calms them. Keep that pedo fucking tv off.

Babies are glorious wonders of God. Be grateful for your blessed joy and have a bunch more. As long as they're White.

Electric shock collar, one of the type made for barking dogs. Intensity and Volts set to Maximum Override Warp Speed.