After the sea of negativity coming from my mom (i've made a few posts on the subject), I decided i had enough, rage quit, and left to the middle of nowhere. I had fun, stayed at a rustic lodge, shot some guns, drank some beers, ranted to my old buddies there. Came back, and my brain was good as new.
When it comes to dating, my brain sometimes has a habit of taking in the negative energy and transforming it onto others, giving the impression of a hot/cold mechanism against others. Part of me thinks this is a protection mechanism my brain uses to stop others from getting hurt, or stop someone from getting too vulnerable and then being attacked by my mom.
Since this was no longer there, everything felt much more fluid, and natural. I wasn't there questioning anything, I just did things I wanted, kissed her when i felt like it, hugged her because i felt like it, no real doubts or anything. Even though the change is somewhat mild in the grand scheme of things, it's hade a humongous difference in the presentation of who I am to her. The thing is, this is always how my brain operates when not around my parents, but my assertiveness and confidence can get flooded with too much stress and shut down over time. Now she's actually excited to see me, and has no problem being dominated. It's interesting, but it gives me more reason to leave Satan's lair that is my parents place
After the sea of negativity coming from my mom (i've made a few posts on the subject), I decided i had enough, rage quit, and left to the middle of nowhere. I had fun, stayed at a rustic lodge, shot some guns, drank some beers, ranted to my old buddies there. Came back, and my brain was good as new.
When it comes to dating, my brain sometimes has a habit of taking in the negative energy and transforming it onto others, giving the impression of a hot/cold mechanism against others. Part of me thinks this is a protection mechanism my brain uses to stop others from getting hurt, or stop someone from getting too vulnerable and then being attacked by my mom.
Since this was no longer there, everything felt much more fluid, and natural. I wasn't there questioning anything, I just did things I wanted, kissed her when i felt like it, hugged her because i felt like it, no real doubts or anything. Even though the change is somewhat mild in the grand scheme of things, it's hade a humongous difference in the presentation of who I am to her. The thing is, this is always how my brain operates when not around my parents, but my assertiveness and confidence can get flooded with too much stress and shut down over time. Now she's actually excited to see me, and has no problem being dominated. It's interesting, but it gives me more reason to leave Satan's lair that is my parents place
(post is archived)