>> That is my problem right there... It was mine for the longest time. I have only recently, within the last year or two, learned to actually embrace this. Remember, even faith/belief the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. I never realized all the truth. When I think hard and deep I realize that somehow I always had a deep belief that everything was going to work out. Without knowing it I placed myself where I am today. I lived a pretty screwed up life. Read back through my posts. Not one word of my life story is a lie. I find lying to be pointless and a waste of energy. I still wound up where I am. I'm in a comfortable spot. I'm exactly where God needed me in his grand plans. Learn to trust in God. That begins with actually speaking to him. If you need to envision him somewhere look north. I could tell you why but I'm not sure you are ready for that info. It has to do with the black hole sun. Speak with him like he's walking next to you, because he is. Learn to listen to him. Reflect on your life. Try to see the pattern that lead you to where you currently are. Try to see how you were guided to safety. Try to find where he was in those times. If you look you will find him. Pray to be given eyes to see. You will see. I promise.