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Pretty sure there's no such thing as a non confirming/individualistic women, just different flavors of hedges and conformity based off perceived power and status, that is really the only answer that explains the current day women. Over my study of trying to understand what it means to date a Christian women, I have come upon the following conclusions

  • The core ideals are fine to an extent, but the whole "everything is a dealbreaker" attitude becomes very irritating to deal with. Sometimes I just want to kiss the person without being told that my teeth are dirty, or sometimes I just want a hug. Not everything has to be a perfect kodak moment of perfection. And yet, a lot of times it feels that way. It's to the point that even basic things I want to do come off as un intuitive and weird, where it feels like im making the other person uncomfortable, whilst being told im not physical enough. It's beyond confusing to me, because Im essentially getting all sorts of conflicting information

  • God will take care attitude. Not saying he wont, but this screams of the Q-Anon mentality of do nothing, someone else will do the heavy lifting. This is again, irritating over time because it becomes close to impossible to read what exactly the person wants. It also caused an almost bi polar presentation of being hot and cold, which is very confusing to see. A relationship can't really work if one person has a do nothing attitude.

  • Sexuality is a little all over. On one hand, they don't have sex before marriage, on the other hand this rule seems a little ... lackluster. Sure, maybe not sex per se, but these same women will do a host of other things which would be considered sinful as well. French kissing before marriage for example is a sin due to the nature of why the kissing is happening, but this rule is ignored. Actually, a lot of common day romantic events could be considered a sin, but are routinely ignored. This creates a very confusing cherry picking of biblical ideals where one has absolutely no idea what the boundaries are. ' Realistically this brings me to my conclusion, that there is no playbook on how to date a woman. Just do whatever the fuck feels right, and go from there. I used to spend hours trying to rack my head on what women were doing and why, and what its meaning is. The newsflash is there is no meaning, its just a slightly grown up neurotic child, who has no clue what the heck they're doing. Hence all the conflicting signals and stuff, are really just minor shit tests of her brain going completely haywire, trying to test you to see how you react

Pretty sure there's no such thing as a non confirming/individualistic women, just different flavors of hedges and conformity based off perceived power and status, that is really the only answer that explains the current day women. Over my study of trying to understand what it means to date a Christian women, I have come upon the following conclusions * The core ideals are fine to an extent, but the whole "everything is a dealbreaker" attitude becomes very irritating to deal with. Sometimes I just want to kiss the person without being told that my teeth are dirty, or sometimes I just want a hug. Not everything has to be a perfect kodak moment of perfection. And yet, a lot of times it feels that way. It's to the point that even basic things I want to do come off as un intuitive and weird, where it feels like im making the other person uncomfortable, whilst being told im not physical enough. It's beyond confusing to me, because Im essentially getting all sorts of conflicting information * God will take care attitude. Not saying he wont, but this screams of the Q-Anon mentality of do nothing, someone else will do the heavy lifting. This is again, irritating over time because it becomes close to impossible to read what exactly the person wants. It also caused an almost bi polar presentation of being hot and cold, which is very confusing to see. A relationship can't really work if one person has a do nothing attitude. * Sexuality is a little all over. On one hand, they don't have sex before marriage, on the other hand this rule seems a little ... lackluster. Sure, maybe not sex per se, but these same women will do a host of other things which would be considered sinful as well. French kissing before marriage for example is a sin due to the nature of why the kissing is happening, but this rule is ignored. Actually, a lot of common day romantic events could be considered a sin, but are routinely ignored. This creates a very confusing cherry picking of biblical ideals where one has absolutely no idea what the boundaries are. ' Realistically this brings me to my conclusion, that there is no playbook on how to date a woman. Just do whatever the fuck feels right, and go from there. I used to spend hours trying to rack my head on what women were doing and why, and what its meaning is. The newsflash is there is no meaning, its just a slightly grown up neurotic child, who has no clue what the heck they're doing. Hence all the conflicting signals and stuff, are really just minor shit tests of her brain going completely haywire, trying to test you to see how you react

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[–] • 0 pt (edited )

“I was married to a woman who was horribly insecure, and it feels like redating the same kind of person”

The more you talk, the more relevant information that comes out.

What I’m getting out of this is that your subconscious learned something from your previous experience, but you’re fighting it.

Don’t.

People can tend to get back in a relationship with the same type of person from the previous one. There’s a lot of psychology behind it and I’m not qualified to get into the weeds on that. Did you get any counseling after your divorce? If not, you should. Without getting into too much detail, counseling with someone competent can help you uncover shit so that you stop dating/marrying virtually the same person all over again.

My dude, the best I can tell you is that your gut is telling you something and you’re at least semi-ignoring it. Don’t do that shit. Perhaps you don’t even know what you want in a woman yet, but it seems like you know what you don’t want and that’s plenty good enough to make firm decisions on who to not continue dating.

Listen to your gut and have some hard and fast dealbreakers of your own..and stick to them.

And for gods sake, don’t let the fear of being alone bully you into making poor decisions. Most people do this and it’s one of the biggest reasons why they end up with the wrong person.

When I was dating after my divorce, I suddenly had a fucking honed radar like never before. And my attitude was way different. I didn’t give two shits if a date went well or not. I always hoped it did, but my attitude was that I expected more of them not to work out than I expected for them to work out. Funny thing is, this attitude made me more attractive to women. Again, that was an accidental side effect, but it didn’t hurt me one bit, especially when it came to the power dynamic. My attitude was always “I’m going to have fun on this date, but if either of us doesn’t think we’re a fit for each other for whatever reason, that’s fine.” There are millions of women in this country. When you realize that and also consider that most of them really aren’t going to be a good fit, you’ll waste a lot less time with those who aren’t.

It’s a numbers game. The quicker that you can categorize them as “no” VS “maybe” VS “yes”, the quicker you’ll find the right one. Therefore, don’t waste your time.

[–] • 0 pt

The thing is I can guarantee certain facts with relative ease, just off the way she talks and stuff. I even tell her out loud exactly how her subconscious works, which is interesting to her, because no one in her life has ever introspected her entire psyche back to her. So on one hand, I know exactly how her brain functions, how to manipulate it, how to push it to its maximum, what its thinking, etc. All that can be based just on the observations of what she says, how she acts, etc. The thing is having lived it once, I can both understand the introduction and the conclusion to her psyche. It's actually fascinating to me how my brain can do this on people, and its able to do it really fast too.

It used to be somewhat slow, but its like a lightbulb moment where the brain starts to understand the psychology. The problem is knowing my brain can use this power against people, makes dating very very difficult. Because the problem isn't that I can't date, the problem is based off very little, my brain can learn a lot about people, and my subconscious is able to hone in on everything about a person within a few days usually.

From my perspective, this person is very very new to dating. However, out of saving face to herself, she wants to come off as more experienced. Why someone would do this is beyond me, because her brain is trying to apply clown world ideals to someone with strong moral values. The inevitable result, even though she claims not to be lying, is that she comes off as a compulsive liar over these small issues which aren't even issues. Being new to dating is not a dealbreaker to me, but im essentially having to pretend that someone whose 14 whose never driven a car before, is a seasoned truck driver

[–] • 0 pt (edited )

Ok so what you’re saying is that she misrepresents herself. Which is lying. And by virtue of this, she lies a lot. Perhaps little white lies, but lies nonetheless.

My ex was this way, but then still presented herself as virtuous. I bought it up to a point. In the end, however, people who will lie about small things will absolutely lie about big things. You can bank on it.

And then you have women who want to come across as innocent and all, but are really experienced, if you know what I mean.

Look man, all I know is that your gut appears not to like what you’re observing.

If you’re keeping her around as a science project for psychological observation then that’s one thing. If you’re seriously considering her as a mate, it seems you’re in conflict with yourself.

[–] • 0 pt

My ex was this way, but then still presented herself as virtuous. I bought it up to a point. In the end, however, people who will lie about small things will absolutely lie about big things. You can bank on it.

I have no real direct proof she's lying, outside intuition and my brain picking up on very conflicting information coming in. I have caught her slipping a few times about dating apps for example, and whilst idealized her doesn't want to use them, she also admits she still uses them. This is very confusing to me since she claims you shouldn't want to use those apps, and then also claimed she wasn't using them as well. So I have this weird multi way state, where i can never actually tell which is which. And there are many cases of this happening, where she suppresses something she said, out of the fear she might hurt my feelings, even though I have told her multiple times that it would take an act of God himself to offend me.

And then you have women who want to come across as innocent and all, but are really experienced, if you know what I mean.

This is kinda what this woman seems like a lot. I'm relatively inexperienced, but she has lots of experience kissing and stuff. And yet she claims to be "pure" in terms of sexuality and stuff. This is very confusing, because her behavior comes off as having experience, but her words come off as inexperienced. At the same time, her behavior is inexperienced in some sectors, and super experienced in others. So now her body and her speech, and her behaviors all seem to conflict with each other. The only reason I notice it so much is because I come from a family that pretty much prides itself on social and personality analysis, so we learned this crap from our mom very early on.

If you’re keeping her around as a science project for psychological observation then that’s one thing. If you’re seriously considering her as a mate, it seems you’re in conflict with yourself.

For now, its a mix of both. I'm gonna continue to see what happens, but on one hand Im thinking adding additional stress tests to see how she responds. Since I'm not entirely too sure how she's gonna react, well have to see how she does on the morality stress tests. From a morality perspective as of current, she pretty much has failed a lot of the tests when it comes to her Biblical morality vs application. She has a lot of views privately I align with for sure, but then hones those views down in public. I call it the chameleon effect, but ive always viewed one who cant stand for their beliefs in public, to be akin to a liar. But I also hold very harsh standards on morality and beliefs, so this could be me being way too harsh.