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I come from a horribly toxic and abusive family, my brother and i still have horror stories of the carnage, and the severity of the damage was so great, the family and extended family is permanently split apart ... all thanks to my mom. she never celebrated birthdays, and every "gift" she would give us was usually laced with hundreds of commands, demands, intonations, and who even knows. it was never just a gift, it was a "poor me, after everything ive done" type of shenanigans.

coming to my gf, my brain has a very hard time adapting to true authenticity and love. not that it can't be done, it definitely can, but my brain ha a very hard time understanding why someone would want to be genuinely nice because they truly love me. she got me these great gifts for an event, and my brain could not mentally process why she would give me gifts and a card, and didn't want anything back for them. it almost short circuited my brain into a depression.

I come from a horribly toxic and abusive family, my brother and i still have horror stories of the carnage, and the severity of the damage was so great, the family and extended family is permanently split apart ... all thanks to my mom. she never celebrated birthdays, and every "gift" she would give us was usually laced with hundreds of commands, demands, intonations, and who even knows. it was never just a gift, it was a "poor me, after everything ive done" type of shenanigans. coming to my gf, my brain has a very hard time adapting to true authenticity and love. not that it can't be done, it definitely can, but my brain ha a very hard time understanding why someone would want to be genuinely nice because they truly love me. she got me these great gifts for an event, and my brain could not mentally process why she would give me gifts and a card, and didn't want anything back for them. it almost short circuited my brain into a depression.

(post is archived)

[–] • 1 pt

Are you a likeable person?

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Well yeah

[–] • 0 pt (edited )

Some of us don't realize just how unlikeable we are sometimes, I was really bad for years like that. (I mean not likeable.)

People are so surrounded by unlikeable people that it makes likeable people pretty valuable to them.

So, if you're likeable, maybe she's just appreciative of that (cause it's rare), and so that should not be so hard for you to accept and believe.

Something like that.

[–] • 1 pt

When she inevitably cucks you, remember this day.

[–] • 1 pt

You know what OP?

You're going to adapt overtime, and the day you finally think all this suspicion/distrust you have is behind you... That's when she'll betray you and dump you

Would that be that surprising? Deep down you know the answer...

So here's my advice; adapt, trust, love her etc... But always keep a little "safety margin", just in case

Don't turn your gf into god, because that, has never been good, and that's always what happens when you love too much... When you're too invested in the relationship, when she becomes your literal everything

She loves you for what you are, and she'll also try to change you because that's what women do. But the irony is that when she changes you too much, she doesn't like you anymore because you aren't you anymore...

Follow me and I'll run away from you, run away from me and I'll follow you

Funny how that works, uh?

[–] • 0 pt

my brain could not mentally process why she would give me gifts and a card, and didn't want anything back for them. it almost short circuited my brain into a depression.

I know that feel and am here to quote a great man;

You're gonna make it brah.

[–] • 0 pt

Came here to be a dick but after reading your post that doesn't feel right.

Sounds like you've found a good one, tell her about your issues/insecurities and maybe speak to someone about them.

Make sure you don't push her away. Good luck brother

[–] • 0 pt

Fight your urges to deny or reject nice things. Fake it til you make it.

My parents were the same. Presents were used as blackmail and taken away for punishment so nothing i ever owned felt like mine. My dad constantly reminded me that I was living in HIS home, not mine.

I had a really weird thing about birthdays where I tried to hide it from everyone because birthdays made me feel dreadful ever since a child. My best friend and I turned it into an inside joke where we lie to everyone and swapped birthday days (we're same month, different days). Now I get birthday wishes and the occasional gift on her date and I associate it more with happiness since they fell for our stupid game.

You don't have to copy that, but you and your girlfriend should find your own ways to twist awful memories and overwrite them with something new to make it enjoyable for you. It's all about taking a bad association and adding a new component so instead of your brain immediately thinking on the past you have a new door to walk through that isn't the depression.

[–] • 0 pt

It's going to stop eventually.