I'm not the healthiest person in the world, I have chronic issues, I'm very forgetful. I like to bring joy to other people, when i get a call i made it a point to always make the other person laugh at least once, including when i have to call a customer support line. And yet, I feel like with all my problems, I cant understand why my gf wants to be with me, i cant understand why people still love me, or care for me. It just feels like they're wasting their time on me.
My mom discarded me and my siblings a a very young age, and made us the sole scapegoat to all her problems, we just kind of assumed that we were. I've always felt guilty at the idea of doing anything for myself, even if i help someone, i hate the idea of them thanking me for helping, i hate that anyone even acknowledges that i do something for them. One of those things I do at this point is every time my gf and i get into a small argument, i delay me proposing to her by around a month. The way i see it, if i cant make her happy all the time, i failed as a boyfriend, and would fail as a husband. Maybe a little bit extreme, but i was always taught from birth that even the slightest hint of failure means i should just kill myself (my mom's words)
My boss had told me he was disappointed in a communication breakdown last month that caused some issues. Now im debating if i should even bill any hours for that month, or just leave it be as a blank invoice. I feel horrible that all i do is fail the people around me
I'm not the healthiest person in the world, I have chronic issues, I'm very forgetful. I like to bring joy to other people, when i get a call i made it a point to always make the other person laugh at least once, including when i have to call a customer support line. And yet, I feel like with all my problems, I cant understand why my gf wants to be with me, i cant understand why people still love me, or care for me. It just feels like they're wasting their time on me.
My mom discarded me and my siblings a a very young age, and made us the sole scapegoat to all her problems, we just kind of assumed that we were. I've always felt guilty at the idea of doing anything for myself, even if i help someone, i hate the idea of them thanking me for helping, i hate that anyone even acknowledges that i do something for them. One of those things I do at this point is every time my gf and i get into a small argument, i delay me proposing to her by around a month. The way i see it, if i cant make her happy all the time, i failed as a boyfriend, and would fail as a husband. Maybe a little bit extreme, but i was always taught from birth that even the slightest hint of failure means i should just kill myself (my mom's words)
My boss had told me he was disappointed in a communication breakdown last month that caused some issues. Now im debating if i should even bill any hours for that month, or just leave it be as a blank invoice. I feel horrible that all i do is fail the people around me
(post is archived)