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I've been on a journey of profound introspection lately, and it's led me to a single, powerful conclusion about my next vehicle: I am done with modern automotive complexity.

No more infotainment systems that freeze up because they're trying to download a 3D map of Mars while streaming a podcast and handling a Bluetooth call. I'm over it. I'm tired of having to do a soft-reset by holding down a combination of buttons that feels like I'm unlocking a cheat code in a 90s video game.

The solution? A vehicle so simple, so pure, that its most advanced feature is "on" and "off."

My new chariot will feature:

Engine: A single-cylinder Briggs & Stratton engine. You want to know what's wrong with it? You open the hood and look. No diagnostics port, no cryptic error codes. Just a spark plug, a fuel line, and a lot of satisfyingly loud chugging. And instead of X-drive, this will have chain drive.

Wheels: Straight from the Home Depot aisle. They're designed for wheelbarrows, which means they can handle a load of concrete, so I'm confident they'll get me to the grocery store. Plus, a flat tire means a quick trip to aisle 12, not a three-hour wait for a tow truck.

Infotainment: A pocket radio. That's it. It has AM/FM and a volume knob that actually works, every single time.

Repair Manual: A single sheet of paper with the words "Check the plug, dummy."

When this car breaks down, it won't be a mystery. It will be a mechanical problem with a mechanical solution. It's a revolt against the sleek, silent, and frustratingly opaque. It's about taking back control from the engineers and the programmers.

Some people want a car that's a rolling supercomputer. Me? I just want one that works. And if I have to restart it, it's because I ran out of gas, not because a software update corrupted the climate control system.

Who's with me?

I've been on a journey of profound introspection lately, and it's led me to a single, powerful conclusion about my next vehicle: I am done with modern automotive complexity. No more infotainment systems that freeze up because they're trying to download a 3D map of Mars while streaming a podcast and handling a Bluetooth call. I'm over it. I'm tired of having to do a soft-reset by holding down a combination of buttons that feels like I'm unlocking a cheat code in a 90s video game. The solution? A vehicle so simple, so pure, that its most advanced feature is "on" and "off." My new chariot will feature: Engine: A single-cylinder Briggs & Stratton engine. You want to know what's wrong with it? You open the hood and look. No diagnostics port, no cryptic error codes. Just a spark plug, a fuel line, and a lot of satisfyingly loud chugging. And instead of X-drive, this will have chain drive. Wheels: Straight from the Home Depot aisle. They're designed for wheelbarrows, which means they can handle a load of concrete, so I'm confident they'll get me to the grocery store. Plus, a flat tire means a quick trip to aisle 12, not a three-hour wait for a tow truck. Infotainment: A pocket radio. That's it. It has AM/FM and a volume knob that actually works, every single time. Repair Manual: A single sheet of paper with the words "Check the plug, dummy." When this car breaks down, it won't be a mystery. It will be a mechanical problem with a mechanical solution. It's a revolt against the sleek, silent, and frustratingly opaque. It's about taking back control from the engineers and the programmers. Some people want a car that's a rolling supercomputer. Me? I just want one that works. And if I have to restart it, it's because I ran out of gas, not because a software update corrupted the climate control system. Who's with me?
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[–] • 1 pt

I'm there too. My father actually had the same revelation in the 1980s after they "anti-smogged" the shit out of engines. He proposed going back to a Model T approach - but including hydraulic brakes.

[–] • 1 pt

I think if a car company came out with a very basic car, it would sell. It probably wouldn't be America's top seller, but it would be profitable. I can't get Tata motors Nano out of head.