Contact La Leche League. Herbal tea, something called Mother's Milk is good. Lots of liquids. Make sure she's eating well. Sounds like post-partem depression, I'm not up on that. Talk to her doctor, or a friendly nurse.

Good luck!

Yeah, what the other person said, sounds like postpartum depression.

It will subside but it's no fun going through it. You just have to kind of baby her.

And explain it's in the head and is common and it will go away.

I've seen it, bursting out in tears for no reason.

"In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted."

A lot of protein and fat will help with post partum healing and milk production. Getting a half hour of morning sunshine can have great effects on the mind and body as well. Lactation consultants are really wonderful people and usually have their own network of trusted people for other cares. Maybe she'd benefit from Cranial Sacral Therapy? Continue being supportive. And she might not want you to fix any of her problems at all, she just might want you there to listen to her and for her to lean on you. Wish you 3 all the best brother, God bless

Useless while pregnant, interesting. Give her new ways to use her intelligence to solve the problem with your guidance. GUIDANCE. Let her discover the solutions, and you reward the ingenuity with genuine respect. She can't milk? What's the best baby formula (like, actually good and nutritious formula, raw milk, etc). That kind of challenge, that kind of "hey, you can solve this" is what she needs to hear, but from you. That you trust that she can do this, she wants to be part of the bridge crew (to use a star trek analogy). Compliment this aspect of women and she will become the best crewmate you can possibly have.

Oh, remind her of what SHE'S DONE! She had a kid! Yeesh we can't know what that's like and I'm okay with that. That's the work! "Useless?" Remind her that her job was to take care of herself, which is weird sometimes. It's literally, her job, during pregnancy. Be chill, eat well, help where you can but remember that the real job is fuckin' chillin' and being healthy~

I don't have a wife, but watch my father and his second wife work tremendously well together. She is his secretary, and she loves it, she loves a good challenge for the right reasons.

"Get the new kid into a homeschool," boom, she's on research finding the best outdoor camps, shared spaces, etc. Need a passport another country with no extradition, income tax, or visa requirements? Bam, they did it together in 7 months after a TON of research (spoiler alert, St. Kitts is dope passport-wise). Who makes the best tacos in the fam? 100% engaged in the friendly challenge (although she still lost because of pops salsa lol), researching recopies and gathering ingredients like she has the secret knowledge. Sometimes she wins!

Give her something to work on, anything. And appreciate that! "Hey what do you think is the best way to sleep with our newborn?" "What diaper do you think would be the best, disposable, or washable?" "What soap do you think would be the least allergenic?" etc... Genuinely ask her, and inspire her to come back and consult with you. Be completely honest while keeping her interest up, never shut her down, channel it into what you would like / think on a philosophical level. Your goal here is to keep her working towards progress, any kind of progress. You teach a wife before you teach a child. She'll honor that and pass that essence onto the first few years for sure.

For example, if it helps at all:

I inform my father of impending food shortage issues (due to trucking oil, shipping congestion, plane logistic issues etc) (also he's researching this shit himself) and he makes decisions based on his evaluations of my linked / referenced / cited information. He passes these decisions onto his wife, who executes the logistics of their talks. She knows why, she respects him as to the why. Sometimes she listens to the conversations we have. There's no information kept secret, it's simply that she can't keep up on the "decision making" level. So, she trusts my father and again, executes willingly.

We setup backups, order and organize systems of decentralized food storage, they manage and operate their own business which they have nearly full control over. It isn't a stretch to expand these types of management to the personal life. In fact, it has more meaning to execute for the internal family plans than for a business that supports them. These later challenges (well uh, these examples are for when the kid is literally becoming intelligent, remembering things and having deep narratives) are reflective of an early philosophy, which you must keep in check, but through your wife. Lets face it, she'll be spending more time with the kid younger years than you will. If you imbue the right philosophies, and constructively appreciate the attitudes she's displaying, things will be a billion times easier as time passes~

There's a fucking GREAT 4chan set that explains this type of cooperation. I'll find it if you comment?

Also It probably helps that she's German / Irish-ish by blood, I guess. Idk if that matters that much, women seek a tribe and a leader, that core is the father / mother interaction. She will give advice, but she will admit that she is not the decision maker. Often she learns later that things she couldn't see become apparent, and she reconciles with this almost immediately. Reinforcing that mindset of "follow the leader" or "military hierarchy."

Yadda yadda, the problem with feminism is bitches try and become the supreme judge over what's right and wrong, and truly, that's not where their neurology is most happy. We see so many depressed feminists and fats that it's literally laughable enough to create forums about it. Own and craft it, and she will be extremely appreciative. Same goes for office women, imo, but that's a somewhat deeper subject

That's all meta stuff you shouldn't worry about. The core points I'm trying to highlight here are: Reminding her she's a team player, and truly, that you want her opinions and thoughts on these subjects; that she knows more than you in some cases, and to SHOW you that through direct, meaningful conversation; that she has value in her perceptions, which will amplify your own individual skills while sharing in tactical-ish plans for solving your problems; and that any challenge CAN be overcome, even if you lean on eachother here and there! That's what marriage eis isn't it? A serious co-op adventure?

Enjoy the ride~ no one's done it perfect, and that's why we're all here, to test, implement, share, etc

Call the hospital and ask for a referral to a lactation consultant. We consulted with one with each baby ... made so much difference.

Diet + exercise + reading. Cures for 99.99999 % of ailments.

Get her to pump what she can and send her out shopping or on a vacation for a few days without the baby. If the baby is on the bottle anyway you can handle it for a bit. She probably needs some rest and a brain reset. At any rate handle the baby for a few days.

Both of you stop worrying. The milk will flow. Let nature take its course. Cherish her. You are a lucky man. She is a lucky woman. Let her know that without being Mr. Obvious. You've created life. Now enjoy the time you have with a baby. It doesn't last long.

I can’t add much that already hasn’t been said but to offer some support.

I agree it sounds like she may have Post Partum Depression. The unfortunate thing is with PPD you can be the most loving husband and say and do all the right things and it doesn’t impact it - like there’s a wall there… it can definitely be caused by some imbalance on the female hormones going crazy after birth (which is probably the case here since she is also having trouble with milk production)

I have come to the philosophy that birth and newborn stage is like changing gears on a bicycle - sometimes things go great right away sometimes it’s not as smooth but it does get there eventually.

I am glad to hear she is enjoying time with your baby - that is a good sign! And that oxytocin can help with milk release and production.

If I could give her a piece of advice it would be give yourself time to recover and don’t put all these high expectations on yourself. It seems that modern women have this idea that they can just bounce back and everything will be great. Birth is rough - it’s a battle that she fought and has her well earned reward. See the small wins of the day. Did you get dressed for the first time in a week? That’s a win. Did you get a nap? That’s a win. Did the baby nurse? That’s a win. They won’t seem like much but this is the time to pull WAY back.

Now when it comes to the breastfeeding difficulty there’s not much I can say except there are some independent lactation consultants out there - maybe one near you? Unfortunately the LLL has been taken over by libs.

I have heard there are lots of recipes for increase milk production cookies. I’ve heard brewers yeast can increase production as well.

Now to her lady parts. That I do have experience with - I got ripped a new one with our first and was in constant pain for almost 6 months. It is very possible things are not the same down there. It is very easy to mourn the loss of your pre-baby lady parts. Some of that will need to just be acceptance over time of your battle scars. BUT please have her look into female physical therapy for pelvic floor. I’m currently heavily pregnant with our fifth and all the pain from my first is come back because of the weight and it is causing ahem… painful dysfunction… my midwife said pelvic floor physical therapy can make things go back to the way things were before my first - here’s hoping….

I wish you and your wife luck.

Source: mother of almost 5, ppd sufferer for after first 2