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Morbid shit you have to think about when you get older ... sorry to post this but I could use some unbiased ideas from people outside of my circle of friends and family.

I have a kind of perplexing personal situation that I am trying to figure out.

I am currently single. I have no children. My parents have passed on. I have no siblings. I was the only son of an only son of an only son. I'm getting up in years, still think and feel like a 40 something but more mellow with age. I have no medical issues, should live at least another 10-20 years but you never know. I've married and divorced, have had some wonderful times during a few LTRs with a handful of quality women in my life. It is highly possible I will never marry again. The women I'm attracting lately aren't getting any cuter or striking me like a thunderbolt.

I am the end of my father's lineage and only have relatives on my Mom's side. Most cousins on Mom's side have had 2 or more kids. I have not spent much time with my cousins other than weddings and funerals over the past 40 years. They live hours away from me. I am younger than all but one cousin, theoretically most of them will die before me.

My problem is who am I going leave my estate to? It is fairly sizeable and I don't see myself spending it all before my time comes. I've always been a frugal Yankee, it was how I was raised. It would be going against my nature to try to spend most of it before I fade into history, I don't think I would find spending it all that enjoyable.

My mom's side of the family is not wealthy, my estate divided up and distributed among them would change lives ... for the better I would hope.

My thought was to generally have my estate liquidated and divided among my surviving cousins. However, they are almost all older than me and may not be around or physically/mentally able to manage/liquidate my estate when my departure time comes.

My next thought was to skip that generation and focus on their surviving children (most in their 40's now), of which I have no real personal relationships and barely know their names. I could spend time trying to get to know them better in the time I have left and single out those who I think would most appreciate some of my family artifacts to keep them in their family, to be handed down again and again over time, as well as dividing the rest of my estate among all of them. As an example, I want my guns, my fathers guns, my grandfather's guns to be valued and handed down through future generations of mom's family. My cousins are/were all hunters and have passed the tradition onto their kids who would likely value the guns vs head for the pawn shop.

There is a hybrid solution, beneficiaries could be my surviving cousins and the children of my deceased cousins at that time.

I intend to leave all of my motorized toys - atvs, snowmobiles, cars, trucks to my lifelong buddy who was the best man at my wedding and has had a big impact on my life for over 50 years. He would know what to do with those toys (he is a master mechanic savvy in all motorsports) whereas I don't know about my cousins and their kids.

Can anyone think of other options I might consider beyond liquidating it all to fund sending my corpse to Mars? Lol!

I feel I need to settle on a solid plan before discussing any of this with my cousins. Maybe someone on POAL has an idea I haven't considered. AOU might suggest I make POAL the beneficiary so he can upgrade the server, then retire. Lol! Just kidding!

Morbid shit you have to think about when you get older ... sorry to post this but I could use some unbiased ideas from people outside of my circle of friends and family. I have a kind of perplexing personal situation that I am trying to figure out. I am currently single. I have no children. My parents have passed on. I have no siblings. I was the only son of an only son of an only son. I'm getting up in years, still think and feel like a 40 something but more mellow with age. I have no medical issues, should live at least another 10-20 years but you never know. I've married and divorced, have had some wonderful times during a few LTRs with a handful of quality women in my life. It is highly possible I will never marry again. The women I'm attracting lately aren't getting any cuter or striking me like a thunderbolt. I am the end of my father's lineage and only have relatives on my Mom's side. Most cousins on Mom's side have had 2 or more kids. I have not spent much time with my cousins other than weddings and funerals over the past 40 years. They live hours away from me. I am younger than all but one cousin, theoretically most of them will die before me. My problem is who am I going leave my estate to? It is fairly sizeable and I don't see myself spending it all before my time comes. I've always been a frugal Yankee, it was how I was raised. It would be going against my nature to try to spend most of it before I fade into history, I don't think I would find spending it all that enjoyable. My mom's side of the family is not wealthy, my estate divided up and distributed among them would change lives ... for the better I would hope. My thought was to generally have my estate liquidated and divided among my surviving cousins. However, they are almost all older than me and may not be around or physically/mentally able to manage/liquidate my estate when my departure time comes. My next thought was to skip that generation and focus on their surviving children (most in their 40's now), of which I have no real personal relationships and barely know their names. I could spend time trying to get to know them better in the time I have left and single out those who I think would most appreciate some of my family artifacts to keep them in their family, to be handed down again and again over time, as well as dividing the rest of my estate among all of them. As an example, I want my guns, my fathers guns, my grandfather's guns to be valued and handed down through future generations of mom's family. My cousins are/were all hunters and have passed the tradition onto their kids who would likely value the guns vs head for the pawn shop. There is a hybrid solution, beneficiaries could be my surviving cousins and the children of my deceased cousins at that time. I intend to leave all of my motorized toys - atvs, snowmobiles, cars, trucks to my lifelong buddy who was the best man at my wedding and has had a big impact on my life for over 50 years. He would know what to do with those toys (he is a master mechanic savvy in all motorsports) whereas I don't know about my cousins and their kids. Can anyone think of other options I might consider beyond liquidating it all to fund sending my corpse to Mars? Lol! I feel I need to settle on a solid plan before discussing any of this with my cousins. Maybe someone on POAL has an idea I haven't considered. AOU might suggest I make POAL the beneficiary so he can upgrade the server, then retire. Lol! Just kidding!

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[–] • 2 pts

I'm in the same situation. Maybe 30 more years left, so any relatives will be dead or well established by that point.

Probably leave my gear to some local that can dispose of it, everything else, including my library, will probably just be disposed of for whatever cash can be retrieved from it.

[–] • 2 pts

I certainly makes me feel a bit ill at the thought that many of the things I've collected, appreciated and valued during my life will end up in the dumpster.

With 30 years left ... you couldstill get lucky and find Mrs. Right!

[–] • 2 pts

To be very honest with you, I've always preferred my solitude. I tried dating when I was much younger, I always found there were things I'd rather be doing.

[–] • 2 pts

Tough to go it alone. Having someone you love to share the joys and split the sorrows can not be overstated. Wish I had a nice gal on my arm. My last gal broke it off because of politics and covid. She and her family turned out to be far more liberal than I thought. I still miss her cooking though ...

[–] • 1 pt

And that's the problem with "stuff": Things that you are personally interested in and derive pleasure from aren't necessarily going to float someone else's boat. Not having direct heirs makes the disposition of your personal property even more problematic. Being similar in age, I'll tell you some things my wife and I have done.

Two of our kids have little interest in stuff. The third tends to keep too much. We have let them know what items of furniture, art, bric a brac, dishes etc are "family" stuff, and if any of them think they might be interested in it at some point in the future we hang onto it. The rest we're parsing through and disposing of it. Sold some silver items to Replacements, and others sold for melt value. I've sent historical documents, archival photos, color slides and the gamut to museums, historical societies, national parks etc. I generally address them to Archivist at the organization, describe it and why it may be important, list myself (or my parents estate) as donor, and then ship the items off unsolicited. I include my email address in the transmittal letter, and 95% of the time receive acknowledgement of the donation. This is a good way to find meaningful and appreciative hosts for oddball things. For our financial assets we went the living trust route.

For the bulk of your assets, you might look into formation of the Lurker17 Family Foundation. Meet up with an estate planner/attorney. Basically you can set it up so that there is a family member (you define lineage requirements) as Trustee. The foundation assets are used to assist/better family members only - again you get to define (within reason) what constitutes family and what the monies can be used for. A friend has one of these set up. My understanding is it provides advantages in terms of taxation and can also sidestep time limitations generally associated with trusts.

But yeah the bulk of your "stuff" will be a pita for someone else to deal with - I see all the stuff at estate sales, and generally there's lots there no one is interested in. There's even less interest in tools these days, so look towards gearing down now while you can still have some control on where it goes if it's important to you.

[–] • 1 pt

Thanks Fumduck, wise advice, read your PM a minute ago too.

Yes, I don't bother with new furniture anymore, I know most of what I have will go to the dump after I am gone. I have foam sticking out of my wing back sofa but I don't care anymore, I don't entertain anyone here so there is no one to really care. My books, neat old woodworking passed down from my grandfather, tables, chairs, etc will be barn sales or trashed. After my mom passed away I started sorting through her house to reduce the clutter, got rid of a lot of things from 3 generations of families in order to make room for my stuff before I sold my house and moved back to the family homestead.

As far as my assets, I have cash, real estate, gold bullion and the junk in/at the house. I'm working towards another round of clutter reduction and see it as an ongoing process. I'm too sentimental and if there is a family memory attached to it, I have a very hard time letting go of it. I miss my family and being all alone now, these items give me comfort and trigger good memories of the past.

Real estate wise I hope to liquidate my land holdings and business in the next real estate cycle. I have a camp in the western mountains of Maine that my Dad and I built in 1977. So many good times up there over the years. Someday I'll have to let it go. With luck all that will be done before it is my time to go. I hope to leave cash, bullion, my folks house and the minimized crap that remains for the executor of my will.