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Morbid shit you have to think about when you get older ... sorry to post this but I could use some unbiased ideas from people outside of my circle of friends and family.

I have a kind of perplexing personal situation that I am trying to figure out.

I am currently single. I have no children. My parents have passed on. I have no siblings. I was the only son of an only son of an only son. I'm getting up in years, still think and feel like a 40 something but more mellow with age. I have no medical issues, should live at least another 10-20 years but you never know. I've married and divorced, have had some wonderful times during a few LTRs with a handful of quality women in my life. It is highly possible I will never marry again. The women I'm attracting lately aren't getting any cuter or striking me like a thunderbolt.

I am the end of my father's lineage and only have relatives on my Mom's side. Most cousins on Mom's side have had 2 or more kids. I have not spent much time with my cousins other than weddings and funerals over the past 40 years. They live hours away from me. I am younger than all but one cousin, theoretically most of them will die before me.

My problem is who am I going leave my estate to? It is fairly sizeable and I don't see myself spending it all before my time comes. I've always been a frugal Yankee, it was how I was raised. It would be going against my nature to try to spend most of it before I fade into history, I don't think I would find spending it all that enjoyable.

My mom's side of the family is not wealthy, my estate divided up and distributed among them would change lives ... for the better I would hope.

My thought was to generally have my estate liquidated and divided among my surviving cousins. However, they are almost all older than me and may not be around or physically/mentally able to manage/liquidate my estate when my departure time comes.

My next thought was to skip that generation and focus on their surviving children (most in their 40's now), of which I have no real personal relationships and barely know their names. I could spend time trying to get to know them better in the time I have left and single out those who I think would most appreciate some of my family artifacts to keep them in their family, to be handed down again and again over time, as well as dividing the rest of my estate among all of them. As an example, I want my guns, my fathers guns, my grandfather's guns to be valued and handed down through future generations of mom's family. My cousins are/were all hunters and have passed the tradition onto their kids who would likely value the guns vs head for the pawn shop.

There is a hybrid solution, beneficiaries could be my surviving cousins and the children of my deceased cousins at that time.

I intend to leave all of my motorized toys - atvs, snowmobiles, cars, trucks to my lifelong buddy who was the best man at my wedding and has had a big impact on my life for over 50 years. He would know what to do with those toys (he is a master mechanic savvy in all motorsports) whereas I don't know about my cousins and their kids.

Can anyone think of other options I might consider beyond liquidating it all to fund sending my corpse to Mars? Lol!

I feel I need to settle on a solid plan before discussing any of this with my cousins. Maybe someone on POAL has an idea I haven't considered. AOU might suggest I make POAL the beneficiary so he can upgrade the server, then retire. Lol! Just kidding!

Morbid shit you have to think about when you get older ... sorry to post this but I could use some unbiased ideas from people outside of my circle of friends and family. I have a kind of perplexing personal situation that I am trying to figure out. I am currently single. I have no children. My parents have passed on. I have no siblings. I was the only son of an only son of an only son. I'm getting up in years, still think and feel like a 40 something but more mellow with age. I have no medical issues, should live at least another 10-20 years but you never know. I've married and divorced, have had some wonderful times during a few LTRs with a handful of quality women in my life. It is highly possible I will never marry again. The women I'm attracting lately aren't getting any cuter or striking me like a thunderbolt. I am the end of my father's lineage and only have relatives on my Mom's side. Most cousins on Mom's side have had 2 or more kids. I have not spent much time with my cousins other than weddings and funerals over the past 40 years. They live hours away from me. I am younger than all but one cousin, theoretically most of them will die before me. My problem is who am I going leave my estate to? It is fairly sizeable and I don't see myself spending it all before my time comes. I've always been a frugal Yankee, it was how I was raised. It would be going against my nature to try to spend most of it before I fade into history, I don't think I would find spending it all that enjoyable. My mom's side of the family is not wealthy, my estate divided up and distributed among them would change lives ... for the better I would hope. My thought was to generally have my estate liquidated and divided among my surviving cousins. However, they are almost all older than me and may not be around or physically/mentally able to manage/liquidate my estate when my departure time comes. My next thought was to skip that generation and focus on their surviving children (most in their 40's now), of which I have no real personal relationships and barely know their names. I could spend time trying to get to know them better in the time I have left and single out those who I think would most appreciate some of my family artifacts to keep them in their family, to be handed down again and again over time, as well as dividing the rest of my estate among all of them. As an example, I want my guns, my fathers guns, my grandfather's guns to be valued and handed down through future generations of mom's family. My cousins are/were all hunters and have passed the tradition onto their kids who would likely value the guns vs head for the pawn shop. There is a hybrid solution, beneficiaries could be my surviving cousins and the children of my deceased cousins at that time. I intend to leave all of my motorized toys - atvs, snowmobiles, cars, trucks to my lifelong buddy who was the best man at my wedding and has had a big impact on my life for over 50 years. He would know what to do with those toys (he is a master mechanic savvy in all motorsports) whereas I don't know about my cousins and their kids. Can anyone think of other options I might consider beyond liquidating it all to fund sending my corpse to Mars? Lol! I feel I need to settle on a solid plan before discussing any of this with my cousins. Maybe someone on POAL has an idea I haven't considered. AOU might suggest I make POAL the beneficiary so he can upgrade the server, then retire. Lol! Just kidding!

(post is archived)

[–] • 5 pts

convert it all into physical gold and bury it, leaving behind a trail of whimsical clues so foolhardy young adventurers might one day stumble upon it

but also booby-trap it, there should be a realistic chance of getting your leg blown off if you try to find it

[–] • 2 pts (edited )

Lol! That would certainly keep the hunt exciting! I'd be leaving behind a family of future quadriplegics and paraplegics.

Naw, I like my cousins.

[–] • 2 pts

Depending on the size of your estate I wouldn’t do a lump sum . People that never had money won’t manage it well and it would be blow on frivolous shit. Set up a trust and pull scheduled payments from it

[–] • 0 pt (edited )

I don't know what my estate will be worth when I depart. I think I can say it will be less than $5M in future dollars, hard to say. Could be half of that. I have 6 surviving cousins and I think 13 surviving children of my cousins to consider. Most of the children are in their 40s now and should have learned to be thrifty like the generations before the. I need to get to know them better, and learn what their parents think. A ÷/-$250K inheritance could pay off their house or allow them to dramatically upgrade. Could pay off college loans, medical expenses, provide a buffer for their future retirement or they can use some of it to help jump start their kids lives.

I'll have to do the research to know my cousins kids habits better to determine if setting up trusts will be necessary. Thanks for the suggestion, I will keep it in mind.

[–] • 1 pt

I windfall like this could be as much a burden on a family as blessing read some inheritance horror stories to learn what not to do.

[–] • 1 pt

True, I've seen it destroy others before with my own eyes - usually higher inheritance numbers though.

I would not want to screw up my family by being too kind and generous on my way out. A trust or family fund sounds like a good way to minimize that possibility. Fumduck mentioned a Family Wealth fund that could service all of then, money only to be withdrawn when family members agree the reason is a lagreed to be a egitimate need.

I need to do more research before jumping in.

[–] • 2 pts

Veterans charity and animal rescue

[–] • 2 pts

I'm in the same situation. Maybe 30 more years left, so any relatives will be dead or well established by that point.

Probably leave my gear to some local that can dispose of it, everything else, including my library, will probably just be disposed of for whatever cash can be retrieved from it.

[–] • 2 pts

I certainly makes me feel a bit ill at the thought that many of the things I've collected, appreciated and valued during my life will end up in the dumpster.

With 30 years left ... you couldstill get lucky and find Mrs. Right!

[–] • 2 pts

To be very honest with you, I've always preferred my solitude. I tried dating when I was much younger, I always found there were things I'd rather be doing.

[–] • 2 pts

Tough to go it alone. Having someone you love to share the joys and split the sorrows can not be overstated. Wish I had a nice gal on my arm. My last gal broke it off because of politics and covid. She and her family turned out to be far more liberal than I thought. I still miss her cooking though ...

[–] • 1 pt

And that's the problem with "stuff": Things that you are personally interested in and derive pleasure from aren't necessarily going to float someone else's boat. Not having direct heirs makes the disposition of your personal property even more problematic. Being similar in age, I'll tell you some things my wife and I have done.

Two of our kids have little interest in stuff. The third tends to keep too much. We have let them know what items of furniture, art, bric a brac, dishes etc are "family" stuff, and if any of them think they might be interested in it at some point in the future we hang onto it. The rest we're parsing through and disposing of it. Sold some silver items to Replacements, and others sold for melt value. I've sent historical documents, archival photos, color slides and the gamut to museums, historical societies, national parks etc. I generally address them to Archivist at the organization, describe it and why it may be important, list myself (or my parents estate) as donor, and then ship the items off unsolicited. I include my email address in the transmittal letter, and 95% of the time receive acknowledgement of the donation. This is a good way to find meaningful and appreciative hosts for oddball things. For our financial assets we went the living trust route.

For the bulk of your assets, you might look into formation of the Lurker17 Family Foundation. Meet up with an estate planner/attorney. Basically you can set it up so that there is a family member (you define lineage requirements) as Trustee. The foundation assets are used to assist/better family members only - again you get to define (within reason) what constitutes family and what the monies can be used for. A friend has one of these set up. My understanding is it provides advantages in terms of taxation and can also sidestep time limitations generally associated with trusts.

But yeah the bulk of your "stuff" will be a pita for someone else to deal with - I see all the stuff at estate sales, and generally there's lots there no one is interested in. There's even less interest in tools these days, so look towards gearing down now while you can still have some control on where it goes if it's important to you.

[–] • 1 pt

Thanks Fumduck, wise advice, read your PM a minute ago too.

Yes, I don't bother with new furniture anymore, I know most of what I have will go to the dump after I am gone. I have foam sticking out of my wing back sofa but I don't care anymore, I don't entertain anyone here so there is no one to really care. My books, neat old woodworking passed down from my grandfather, tables, chairs, etc will be barn sales or trashed. After my mom passed away I started sorting through her house to reduce the clutter, got rid of a lot of things from 3 generations of families in order to make room for my stuff before I sold my house and moved back to the family homestead.

As far as my assets, I have cash, real estate, gold bullion and the junk in/at the house. I'm working towards another round of clutter reduction and see it as an ongoing process. I'm too sentimental and if there is a family memory attached to it, I have a very hard time letting go of it. I miss my family and being all alone now, these items give me comfort and trigger good memories of the past.

Real estate wise I hope to liquidate my land holdings and business in the next real estate cycle. I have a camp in the western mountains of Maine that my Dad and I built in 1977. So many good times up there over the years. Someday I'll have to let it go. With luck all that will be done before it is my time to go. I hope to leave cash, bullion, my folks house and the minimized crap that remains for the executor of my will.

[–] • 2 pts

Do everything on your bucket list , and put it in a trust naming the beneficiary is the first one of the little cousins to pay taxes on $150k/ yr, because you know they won't piss it away on drugs. It will motivate them.

[–] • 0 pt

My bucket list is pretty much checked off at this point. I had a decent childhood though my folks started with nothing, I had a challenging CS/EE career in the semiconductor industry ... virtually was my dream job occasionally tainted only by management, a hugely successful passive second career (land development) that allowed me to quit working my first career when I was 45 and only then to make my real wealth. I essentially retired at 45. I have been blessed in those areas. I've travelled and seen much of the USA, Maui and Hawaii, some of Asia. Cruised the Caribbean and visited most countries there, lots of time spent in the deep Maine woods and Appalachian mountains. To be honest, I don't have much of a bucket list anymore. I've been an adrenaline junkie in motorsports during my best years (the stories I could tell!), mastered dry fly fishing, deadly accurate with a shotgun, rifle or pistol (all Thanks to my Dad!). I have nothing to complain about if I drop dead tomorrow. I guess a big item on my bucket list is to clean up and weed out my stuff so whomever I select to take my estate to probate will have less clutter and confusion to deal with. Finding a fine woman to share the years I have ahead of me would be fabulous. Finding a woman ~25 years younger than me to have a child with would be very tempting, but it would be like having grandpa or great grandpa for a father, I would not be able to teach/do all the things with him that a younger father could and I would probably be dead before the kid turned 20. So I don't think doing that would be fair to my child. In the meantime the mother might piss away his inheritance.

My bucket list is pretty empty. Organizing my future graceful exit is now as important to me as anything that remains on my bucket list.

[–] • 1 pt

As a resoundingly poor person about your age, I have little to nothing worth an inheritance. Albeit I do have some rare old books that might be valuable some day. But if I had, I'd consider which family members would actually appreciate and benefit from a sizeable inheritance.

[–] • 1 pt

Albeit I do have some rare old books that might be valuable some day.

You would have loved the neighbor across the street when I was growing up. She had an old book store in the front rooms of their farmhouse, would buy and sell. She was well read and used to hit the thrift stores looking for quality books of value every week until she was no longer able in the 1970s. She helped me out in elementary, middle and high school by giving me books about whatever I was learning at the time. She was like a surrogate grandmother to me. Wonderful woman. She also taught me how to play cribbage and took us candle pin bowling ... my folks weren't into bowling but I loved it. Later in life I was either the cribbage champ or close to it in every competition.

Unfortunately I hardly know my cousins kids. I should try to get to know them before it's too late. I think everyone of them would appreciate an inheritance, and given most of my cousins kids are in their 40s, should be mature enough to spend the money wisely. None of my cousins are wealthy, so their kids were raised to be frugal and to make do with what they had ... just like me. Hunting, fishing, gardening, integrity, hard work, family and making due is the lifestyle they were taught. Knowing I mproved their lives into the future would make me rest easy as I someday drift off into the abyss. If my folks were still alive I think that they would emphatically agree with my plan.

[–] • 1 pt

That's the neighbor a kid like me would have adored.

Sounds like a fantastic way to grow up! Your cousin's kids are very lucky; as hard as these financial times seem to be an inheritance can make the difference between living day to day and being able to plan for the future.

[–] • 1 pt

That's the neighbor a kid like me would have adored.

She let me count and roll their change jar every year - because I was into coin collecting. She told me I could keep any valuable coins I found. I did find many to help fill in my coin collection books. After I got a bit older, she found a younger neighborhood kid to do it, same story. Great neighbors!

Neighborhoods aren't nearly as connected as they were back in my day. It would be fantastic if society could someday recapture that friendly cohesion.

[–] • 1 pt

I would set up some self-sustaining enterprises that benefit young, motivated men, such as starting a school for folk craft, woodworking, blacksmithing, etc. any profits can fund the charity(its) of your choice, animal rescue, churches, museums, etc.

If you don’t feel connected to your distant relatives but still want to leave them something, leave them a share of the profits from above.

Or you can research a good charity and leave them everything.

[–] • 3 pts

I don't trust any of the charities these days. They are virtually all tainted by greed and marxism.

I don't think I have enough $$$ to set up a self sustaining enterprise, and without oversight of those with oversight of the operation, I'm sure someone would find a way to exploit it.

I'm more for benefiting the young, motivated men on Mom's side of the family with what I have. Mom's family came here on the Mayflower, I am told they were from the Liverpool area of England. I truly wish them the best and would take pleasure in thinking they made the best use of what I left for them.

Interesting idea though.

[–] • 1 pt

Is having a child at this point out of the question...?

[–] • 1 pt

I just don't think it would be fair to the kid.

I'm still in good shape for my age but statistically I don't have 25 years left to nurture a child to adulthood and try to instil my values, history, etc. (I do have a gal about 30 years younger than me kind of hitting on me at Burger King. I guess she is a single mom with a kid working a shit job to pay the bills. She has no idea what I'm worth but she lights right up when I come through the drive through, goes out of her way to come chat with me while others are getting my order ready.) So the possibility that I could still land a woman (nutcases excluded) of child bearing age seems realistic

Imagine going to first grade and your Dad is already in his 70s! You bet the kid is going to hear jokes about that from his friends. It is devastating to a kid (and the family) to lose a loved father when in their teens and twenties even if he was a grumpy old fart.

I was devastated when I lost my Dad when I was 27. Dad was only 50 When he died and we had just become good friends a couple of years earlier. Dad had a problem with alcoholism, we had a rocky relationship in my younger years.Dad finally got his drinking under control and our relationship improved quickly. It was just getting to be great when he died, I felt we were robbed of the 25-30 year future relationship I had only dreamed of as a kid. I am so thankful we at least had a couple of good years together as adults. That brief period made a world of difference for me.

[–] • 1 pt

Yea man its a little bit selfish but if you even have an inkling to want your own child its a lot of fun.

If you have a child bearing aged woman that seems into you, call it your last hurrah. I'm sure you've heard it your entire life, but having your own is unreal.

I'd be sad if someone as upstanding as you (I know I give you a lot of shit, but I do respect you) missed out on that special connection.

[–] • 1 pt

Thanks Man, I truly appreciate your candor.

As far as last hurrahs, that is an intriguing thought but still requires finding the right woman -cute, conservative, sane and looking for a based old bastard to marry and have/raise his kid(s). Sounds like a pretty scarce commodity.

I just realized she and the kid(s) would get my social security benefits for many years after I'm gone. Lol! Assuming SS is still solvent in 20 years. She could knock me off by humping my brains out and giving me a heart attack. Then she could have all the money and go find someone new to be a Dad to my kid(s).

Still tough on the kid(s). No grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins for them on my side. Just me, and my use by date will likely expire before they graduate high school.

I think I've missed that boat. I'd I get the opportunity I will have to move fast! Lol!

Next best option is to help mom's side of the family, we have common genetics and they are good people. After that would be to reward my closest friends that added joy to my life, unfortunately many have already died off and more to go before I go. That becomes one of the toughest parts of getting old, watching lifelong friends and family pass on and the loneliness that leaves behind. It is wise to find a good woman and marry young, have plenty of kids. A now 65 year old friend of mine had 12 with his wife!

[–] • 1 pt (edited )

Obviously just give me your shit. I'll do something good with it.

I've always been a frugal Yankee

like stopping carpet bagging sons of bitches from migrating down south! :P

I told ya this guy has seen a north pole up close and he just admitted it!

[–] • 1 pt

Hard stuff to think about. I've been putting off my own conversation about this as I'm younger.

My only suggestion is to convert your money into gold/silver bullion and pay to have a courier take it to your cousins after your death. That way they shouldn't have to pay taxes on it. Harder to set up, but fuck the government and their death taxes.

If there's anything left, maybe donate to some causes that are near and dear to you. Non jewed ones anyways.

For instance if I had a pile of money on my death bed, I'd set aside an amount that will cover renting a billboard for at least 30 years outside the ATF technical center reminding them that they're fucking traitors.

Stuff like that.

[–] • 0 pt

I'm sitting on a bunch of new 2009 Buffalo Head bullion I bought in 2009. It's uncirculated, still in the clear bubble pack treasury sheets of 20 coins each. I was under the impression that if I cashed it in, Fed Tax is something like 32% of (sale price - basis) and then add state tax whereas if the coins are inherited, the recipient's basis in the coin becomes the value of the coin on the day that it was inherited (like real estate). Thus, if they immediately redeem it there is no tax. If they redeem later, they are only taxed on the increased value since inheritance. I don't think my estate value will trigger any inheritance tax red lines, but I have not researched that in depth.

My net worth is roughly 20% in PMs and 80% in RE right now. As I liquidate my RE I'm planning to buy more PMs and after I do more research into it, I might pick up some bitcoin. In fact I may start accepting bitcoin for RE.