Having very honest and clear expectations is the start. You should be aligned on Kids yes/no/how many, You should have clear financial goals and a idea on how to get there, Do you want to live near family? What are your political views especially around the ones that they tell you not talk about at family events.
Etc.. Just be aware that people change with time and most of those things could change too but if you are not starting out well aligned then the likelihood of lasting goes down quickly.
Just be aware that people change with time and most of those things could change too
You absolutely do not tolerate that mindset in a partner when it comes to fundamental parts of the relationship like kids, financial goals, politics, etc. Because either they applied no reason and evidence to their core life decisions to begin with (aka they're a NPC), or they're using it as a bullshit excuse to blow up your marriage down the road.
Extraneous things like your hubby deciding to switch from playing golf every Tuesday to pickleball is no big deal, but they dont get to "change" their viewpoint on dealbreakers with time. Whether that's "surprise I dont want kids" or "I want to bang Becki the Wonderslut", that is absolutely unacceptable. Because if they tell you that, they're telling you that they think it's OK to unilaterally blow up the relationship.
Yeah, That is a big part of life. I agree, you should be aligned on those specifically. On the other side, you can also find out that one of you are unable to have kids. If that happens, do you want to adopt or is it a deal breaker and you divorce?
You have to decide where your boundaries to compromise are and make them very clear.
Suppose we are super aligned on major points. Why wait?
There could be a few reasons but I am sure you can figure those out yourself. I feel like we put off getting married for way to long but it was me doing it. When we decided to we just picked a day, scheduled time at the court house and took our families out to lunch after. We did a "reception" later in the year when there would be more time to plan and to invite people.
The only part that I say "wait a little while" is to take stock of experiences you have had already.
- Have you traveled somewhere (ideally far away where neither of you have ever been). This can put stress on the relationship in a way that shows both of you how you deal with the stress.
- Do you get along with each others family? You are marrying Her and the family (same the other way too).
- Do you have separate AND common interests? You both should have your own hobbies/interests but they should overlap in places you both consider important. Like, do you both really like camping? That is a good overlap.
- Do you enjoy each others company both talking and in silence? Looks fade but engaging conversation's do not need to assuming they have a good head on their shoulders and also #3.
These are all things I have suggested to friends that were trying to decide if they wanted to get married. The ones that listened are still married, the one that did not has been divorced for ~3 years now.
For anyone looking, this is a great list. They can either follow it exactly now, or learn every point in this list is true the hard way.
If you are so aligned have a conversation about this with her and ask her that exact question, general rule though, a proposal prior to 6 months is psychotic. I'd say a proposal anytime after a year of dating isn't too soon unless you are both under 20.
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